FEELING LOST

Cold and empty walks, bitter talks.

Tears are shed only for dreams that come true rather than ones that are shattered. Life seems surreal.

Pieces of my dreams are drifting away with the wind - will I ever be able to chase them and put them back together again?

A fellow Malay on the street takes a good look at me and asks me curiously, "Are you Chinese?"

"No," I reply with a smile as stiff as plastic.

"Are you Indian?"
"No."
"Chindian?"
"God, no!"

Fellow Malay ponders for a while, and a few seconds later his face bursts with a grin.

"Aha, I know now! You're Portugeuse, right?"

After holding back the urge to throttle fellow Malay to death, I see myself walking to a lake nearby the campus. If I could just drown myself and die once again...

Amel cannot drown. His blood won't let him.

Maybe that's the reason why my father's mother failed to kill me when I was a child.

**************************************************

Have you ever met a guy that you're just unsure if he is straight or gay?

Nymo is the kind of guy who makes you want to keep an eye on your, err, virginity all the time... whether you're a boy or a girl.

That guy really freaks me out.

And I made the mistake of calling him out to the movies with me, and confiding in him my stupid feelings of being lost and unbelonged.

What the hell was I thinking at that time?!

Thank god I managed to escape from the movie theatre still unviolated.

And the next day Nymo called up asking me, "Where the fuck did you go last night, man? I had to take the bus to get back home!"



"SIX FEET FROM THE EDGE" BY CREED is playing in my mind today.