"Mr. Speaker:
Today we must table some motions, you see,
I believe that there are three;
Let us convene a meeting under the tree,
You and I, and the whole party."
The drama of Perak politics is becoming weirder and weirder. In fact, it's more perplexing than the plot twist in that Spanish soap opera where the lead character's evil twin brother who is supposed to be dead is then discovered not to be dead after all but has assumed the role of the lead character from the past 13 episodes without you ever knowing it.
You know, those dudes from PKR are getting so emo nowadays. Check out their black robes and morbid "you-discriminate-me" angst yesterday. And I thought emo are just for young depressed people like me. When the old-timers are getting their hands on emo, I think it's time for us punks to find a new wave.
Sidang bawah pokok - it literally means "a meeting under the tree" in Malay language. No, it doesn't refer to that romantic type of meeting where you have a couple chasing each other around a tree while belting out Hindi or Tamil love songs. It refers to the unlawful State Assembly meetings that were convened by Perak Speaker V. Sivakumar and 27 other assemblymen from PKR yesterday.
Under a raintree and the scorching sun, Siva and the gang created comedy by convening an emergency meeting of the Perak “State Assembly” in a vacant plot a stone’s throw from its usual venue.
Apparently, the High Court in Ipoh has granted an order to restrain Siva from convening any unlawful meetings purported to be State Assembly meetings; after hearing submissions from counsel for Perak Mentri Besar Datuk Dr Zambry Abdul Kadir, who filed a suit seeking a declaration that his suspension and that of his six executive council members by Siva was illegal.
Nevertheless, Siva and gang went ahead with their meeting in protest against the Court's order. Unfortunately for them, no one has the keys to the State Secretariat building. Not only that, supporters from BN and the police had guarded the entrance to the building.
Oh no, what will Siva do?
Siva: All those of you who love me, follow me! (Right, I quote this line from that lame 'Joan of Arc' film.)
PKR Assemblymen: (Football cheer.)
Siva: We must throw ourselves in the darkest pit of humiliation so that the world can watch us and think that we are the victims in this situation. Hence, since the world is watching let's commit something miserable and shocking!
PKR Assemblymen: (Another football cheer.)
Siva: (Approaching building entrance.) Oi, let us in la! We want to have a meeting. Urgent, you know!
BN Supporter: No way, hose'! Court says not to let you guys go in. So you guys can't go in.
Siva: Hmph! Do you know who I am? Don't play with me ah... I'm Siva - Sivaji the Boss!
BN Supporters: Yeah, sure... and Singh is King. Now, get lost!
Siva: (Going back to gang.) OK, plan A failed. What's our plan B?
PKR Assemblyman 1: We have plan B...?!
PKR Assemblyman 2: I propose that we hold our State Assembly meeting under that tree! (Pointing to a nearby tree.)
Siva: That tree? Why does that tree look like it's suitable for our meeting?
PKR Assemblyman 2: Err, because trees provide shade?
Siva: Point taken. Let's move!
Dressed in black suits, as they would have in the State Assembly, Siva and gang took the conducted matters of the House seriously under the harrassed raintree. The guys were oblivious to the heat and cheering crowd of humans and monkeys which had turned up to watch their antics.
PKR Assemblyman 1: Are you sure this is a good idea? The monkeys are starting to throw fruits and twigs at me. I don't think they like me.
Siva: Oh, shut up. Have a fruit. Be thankful that you can still eat fruits at a time like this, shortage of food is a massive global crisis nowadays. Somewhere in Somalia, people had to resort to piracy just to earn a crumb of bread.
PKR Assemblyman 2: Is that what we're going to discuss about today?
Siva: No, but we are going to make a plan on how to get rid of Zambry out of the Sate Assembly because I don't like his choice of colour.
PKR Assemblyman 1: But isn't that already been done?
Siva: Oops, wrong minute.
PKR Assemblyman 1: That's what got us here in the first place. (Looking at the other assemblymen around him.)
Siva: Oh, shut up! Be thankful that this tree gives us cooling shade from the sun's heat.
PKR Assemblyman 1: (Whispering to PKR Assemblyman 2.) It would have been more logical if we take off these black suits and robes... I'm already roasted inside.
Anyone who passes by would have thought that giant crows had landed on the ground underneath the tree. Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds' might be second to this scene. Anyway, the crows... err, I mean, the gang tabled motions to support Datuk Seri Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin as the rightful Mentri Besar; to dissolve the State Assembly, and to adopt the order made by the Rights and Special Privileges Committee to suspend Datuk Dr Zambry Abdul Kadir and his six executive councillors. All done under the tree.
After the sitting was adjourned, some excited punks took this one-chance opportunity to pose for photographs with the raintree. One even suggested to name the tree as Pokok Sidang Haram (Unlawful Meeting Tree) to commemorate the event.
Meanwhile, The police did not arrest anyone at the scene because they were tickled to see the sight before them. Instead, they told Siva and gang to disperse from the place.
Siva: Crap, looks like the police are coming over here. Did someone "forget" to return a car?
PKR Assemblyman 1: Buzz off, coppers! We're in the middle of a State Assembly meeting here!
PKR Assemblymen: Yeah, only VIPs are allowed!
Police: What a coincidence, we're VIPs too. Very Interested Policemen. Tell us, what in the world are you guys doing under that poor, non-governmental organism in such emo-looking outfits? I knew I should have called the fashion police along today.
PKR Assemblymen: So what, we have the right to wear or not to wear anything we want in any place - it's a democratic country. If we don't want to wear songkoks in the Secretariat building, we won't wear them. If we want to wear bikinis in the Parliament, we wear them. It is our choice!
Police: Oh God, please don't. The image is burning painfully in my mind now. By the way, do you know that you guys are having an unlawful assembly? Please disperse before we let the FRU give you all a free shower. I know one of them has his hands itching to turn on the valve right now. But we can't have water wasted, you see...
Siva: Hmph! Why should we do as we're told? That's not democratic!
Police: No, it's called systematic. If you exercise democracy without system, you're no more than a savage.
Siva: Ugh... whatever! (Walking away from the tree in angst, followed by the assemblymen.)
Is this the end for Siva and gang? This Friday, don't miss out on another episode of Perak politics where the High Court will decide whether to refer to the Federal Court a bid by former Perak Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Mohammad Nizar Jamaluddin to challenge the legitimacy of the new Mentri Besar and state government.
“Never before has a State Assembly been held under a tree like in an uncivilised nation.This shows that the Opposition does not show respect to the status of the assembly as a noble institution and it is also an insult to the Sultan of Perak."
*Recommended reading: Still Looking for the Silver Lining by Zainul Ariffin, NST.
"APPLE TREE" BY BUTTERFINGERS is playing in my mind today.
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